Coward Infidel
8 min readDec 27, 2021


I was staring at the Howl and how the stars move both inside and outside from it, like a green-colored tube, dispensing water from both sides of its end without any hole for the water to get in. The birth and the end of stars are mighty boring but when you add cruxes like Tanhousers or Minnesänger the maths become much much more interesting. It was at a time like this when the Doctor came in and disturbed me. All jumpy and a smile. His whole body is like a gizmo that's jumping out of him.
“I have done it Galebana!
“Done what? The critter gun? The paranormal hexagon? or did you make yourself useful and actually fix my damn door?”
“Your door has one too many locks for a young materia.”
“In only certain numbers, in mind however I exceed you in catastrophic proposition youngling.”
“And in looks.”
“The face is perfectly engineered to express the wisdom I hold.”
I laugh as I point out every small tweaks and quirks in his copper face. To my surprise he managed to give me an explanation for every singe one. To the smallest of purposeful scratches to the meaty cuts.

“Enough blabbering about. Witness my Tempus Tiliskub! This magnificent machine is made out of 18²⁶⁵ hexagonal segments of gold-coated beryllium metal, trasamophian extracts, Shika technology-”
“We get it, what is it actually?”
What he was showing off locked like a telescope. A very pretty one I might add. A feverish mixture of gold and blue, he wasn’t kidding about the Shika stuff. That’s actual Shika sleights, melted and re-engineered to hold the alchemic fluids. It had many gear slider mechanisms around its optical tube and rings. Each slider had carefully carved out numbers and symbols, all perfectly clear among the thousands of others.
“This, my zincis friend, is a telescope. A simple looking one for sure, but you see, this looks into, as far you can imagine.” He paused to look at me and then gave me the gruffest of smirks, “And then imagine some more and then multiply that to magnitudes and all the variables that come with it! With this, your not looking far out in space, your looking far far into the past, the lights that reach us oh so many tribulations later, all are yours to explore and decipher, the lights we can’t see to the lights they themselves don’t want us to see. You’ll see forming of stars and galaxies that have all left us in peace already!”

By then in all honesty I was impressed already. But he must have sensed that and coudn’t wait to continue,
“But that's only the beginning! Whats so revolutionary about that huh? Even the bloody humans(he meant this literally) did that gazillion years ago! But with the Tempus Tiliskub you are your own god! Time and light are nothing but variables for you to exploit! With Shikha technology, it is able to control the very axis of time! It is but a fabric for you to sew! Smartly plan your coordinates and you can reverse engineer time itself! Do you understand what that means you underdeveloped toxic mercury! YOU CAN LOOK INTO THE VERY FUTURE! With clever tour de force of light your not only seeing our axis of time but others as well! Can you imagine the possibilities! Doors that were denying us higher realm is finally about to open! This is what the Moirai used to sew each thread!”

I ran, I don’t remember the last time I did, but I ran, I picked up the telescope as fast as I could and I ran. If what the doctor said is true then- maybe, really, I yes it’s possible, doctor don’t let me down! I can here him his screaming,
“Galebana darling! I know your excited but-”

He said some more but I didn’t listen, In my head, I was busy calculating, time and light is all well and good but space is still a limitation for this machine but I can make it work. And I did, 46th floor, 128th tile. I know that place. It’s empty just like the place I was in, but with a much poorer view. I ran down the stairs as I fast I could. Jumping and sliding through everything. I was still calculating, the structure, the rings, time, light, placement if I’m right, it should work. I reached the floor, a hallway esteemed for its quartz Amethyst, Citrine, Ametrine you name it. I ran straight left, as fast as my legs could take me, my legs were long but I wasn’t that physical of a person, so I was dangerously tired, but I coudn’t stop, nothing could stop me. What the doc said, ringed in my head, it reminded me of a human story I once read, about a certain mage locked in a certain tower of fairies. From his tower, he could look beyond everything, time, place anything. True clairvoyance and omniscience. The only catch is, he’s stuck there never to go outside. He could see and know everything about anything but he could never do anything about it. It always struck me as a tragic tale. The mage himself was mischievous and a fun-loving prankster, hell it was his fault getting stuck there. But sitting there, all alone around an infinite land of flowers, hearing the same old fairies choir only to spew prophesies so that the heroes may overcome them while unable to do anything himself. It all seemed sort of melancholic to me.

I tripped. I slammed on the floor headfirst. I made sure the telescope did not receive any harm. But that meant I left myself open for harm. I was pretty much unscathed except, my legs. My left leg to be precise, it broke. From the toes to the ankle and then some, it’s completely broken. I checked my memory real quick. My body stores information in every nook and cranny. I check if I had all the memories of today and of him, and about that day. Yes, everything is still there, nothing even half broken. What was worse however I broke down in the basking sector. Diamonds and pearls the lot of them, all come to bask under the deep red sun. They all get up from their pose and come towards me,
“Galebana are you ok!?”
“The hell are you doing running like that?”
“What's that? The docs new toy?”
“Could you not break yourself like that every other day?”
“Seriously this girl.”
“What can we do with her?”
“Must be excited about something ey Galebana?”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! I don’t pay heed to them I need to keep moving. What have I done, this sets my calculations back. I start crawling, dragging the telescope with me, I’m much slower now. I need to revise my calculations now. I’ll arrive at the place much later. This distorts certain formulas. Line 65 and 1988 if I fix these two lines with the new variables, everything else should be fine.

“Oh my god, she started crawling!”
“You shouldn't do that Galebana.”
“That’s so pathetic.”
“What's the rush, girl?”
“You should wait of Ms.Salvena, she will fix you right up you know!”
“Yeah she fixed you before too remember?”
“Hey, why aren’t you stopping?”
“Leave it. You know she’s always like that.”
“Nothing gets through to her!”

They laugh, they smile, they advise, they show concern, they always make sure to do something. But they never come up and help, I tend to rust. I don’t listen to them. I need to work with the new numbers anyway.

I finally reach the tile, its a big empty room with a clear glass view outside of the 3rd hemisphere, I did a blunder, I did not take account of the glass. I punch it in its weakest structural links. It shatters, clean. There you go, a clean view of space, no border between us now Mr.Blue.

I set up the telescope, the best I can do with one and 9/10th of a leg. I made a mistake again. I didn’t take account of my untidiness during setup. It’s not like me to be so clumsy.

I finally did it. I tweak the gears, all 499th of them as delicately as my rusty hands can. Everything perfectly, aligning to the period and place I want to see. It’s all done. If I’ve done my math right, this should be it. I look into the eyepiece with my good eye. It’s still hazy, the Shika fluids slowly rummaging, mixing data, their bluish neon hurts my eye but I keep looking.
My hearts pump in anticipation. What could have you become Mr.Blue? It had been a thousand years since anyone of us had accomplished that and five hundred since then for anyone to be even close to being eligible for it. We are still three moons short to see what you’ve become but I can’t wait anymore. I want to see you now. I’m rusting away, I fear, I may not be here to see your sight.
But if this is what the doc says it is, then today is the day, I see you, Mr.Blue.
It’s clearing, what will I see? A moon? A dwarf planet? Or maybe a star? Could have you become a star like that Mr.Blue? Or maybe, just maybe, a complete planet, with a unique soul, inhabiting lifeforms?

I see you. Is that you Mr. Blue? It’s a starship. A huge planetary one. I barely understand it. It’s much too foreign, too alien. Ash, orange, yellow, a mix unbridled chaos. How interesting. To think you’d become so advanced. Is that really you? It’s incredible. Nothing seems to be wrong but, I don’t understand. I have no basis for it, yet I have a feeling that’s not you.

“There you are three and a half! Well, three and a quarter now.” The Doctors voice.
I remove my eye from the eyepiece and look at him. He looked at the trethosphere and then at me. He must have understood it in one look.

“You're trying to see him? What a great idea! That’s a good place to test it! But, you seemed to have made a mistake.” he gently moves two of the gears clockwise. I instantly notice my mistake. I didn’t think, I looked straight into the eyepiece.
Space dust. Extraterrestrial dust, the n3/45th kind. Unrecyclable.
It’s really him. I know, I can tell. The specks have created a light blue tinge, a shadow of the deep blue eyes you had.
It’s alright Mr.Blue. That’s the way it goes some days, fever comes at you without a warning. Please don’t be sad, not anymore. I could always tell you know, you were always waiting to break every morning. You always held your head so low you coudn’t even see the sky. Please don’t be sad. Look at you now, your flying so high. I know that you’re tired darling, but I’ll smile for you.
Mr. Blue, I told you that I love you. Please believe me