Go die in a ditch somewhere

There is a giant hole that opened up behind our school. Like a massive one, enough to make real estate agent curse their mother. No one knows how it came though it just suddenly did. People just kind of ignore it. No one knows how deep it goes, people tried to go down there to see the surface but the rope always ends so no one ever knows.
Huh. I come by and check the hole. I keep looking at it. The darkness is so deep that it feels unreal. I always hope something will jump out of it, or I will slip and fall.
I have a fascination for holes. I know every single hole around this neighborhood. I have measured every well in this area by falling in it. I think it started in middle school. A asked out the boy I had a crush on. He was cool about it and we dated about a week. Then he told me to go die in a ditch somewhere because I was too clingy or something.
I’ve been looking for a suitable hole since then. Not every hole is deep enough you see. Most can be traversed with gear. I want to fall down so deep that people wouldn’t bother to come pick me up. It’s not nice to trouble other people. I’ve troubled them enough while I’m alive I woudn’t want to do more when I’m dead.

I think this hole was made just for me. So large that I woudn’t get stuck and so deep no one will find me. It’s scary though. I don’t like scary things.
On the 400th day of the holes arrival I jumped into it. No one comes near the hole so no one saw me.

My eyes were closed, the fast unforgiving wind sweeps by my face. It forced me to open my eyes. I see nothing but sheer darkness. I feel scared. My life flashes before my eyes. All the memories keep flooding back. I kept thinking back on my life. This was a mistake. Why did I do this? I’m sorry. I want to go back. I want to live. I cry, I scream but no one can hear me. I want to live again, but I keep falling.

And I keep falling and falling and falling and falling.

My body has gotten used to the sheer force of my fall. I’ve been falling for who knows how long. By this time I had a good while to think over my life again, and I think this was for the best.

For freedom I traded in my life, and now I am in an external darkness with no one but myself.