Forgiveness

Cring cring…..cring cring

The landlines cry echoed through Goro’s house. “Someone pick that up!”
he announced to of course no avail. He stepped down from his room and picked up the receiver.

“Hello,” he said properly, expecting one of his parents.

“Hello, is this Goro’s residence?” It was Futaba. A girl she knew at school.

“Hey, it is, what’s up? Is something wrong?” It was pretty late to be calling a friend so it was something he could ask. Besides this is the first time she has ever called, this is the first time they are speaking outside of school.

“Yeah, somethings- something is definitely wrong” Her voice wavered between absolute calm and slightly shaky nervousness.

“Ah, ok what is it? How can I help?” he realized it didn’t come out as empathetically as he had wanted it to.

“It’s-it’s just that-”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

She was cut off by the screaming at Goro’s house. His two little sisters were screaming at each other and running.

“Who are you talking to?” one of them asked when they noticed their brother.

“A friend from school”

“Is it a girl?” the other sister asked.

“No,” he said after a pause. As soon as they heard it all the interest left their eyes they both grimaced and left.

He went back to the phone,

“Sorry about that, they’d start being annoying if they know you’re a girl”

“SO IT IS A GIRL!” Both of the sisters screamed. One of them ran off screaming ‘Brother is talking to a girl!’ to presumably their older sister.

The other one asked if it is a girlfriend.

“She isn’t, now stop being annoying.”

“Then why did you hide it?” Instant reply.

“Cause- look, she’s having some trouble ok, could you scurry off?”

The sister grimaced again and left. He went back to the phone,

“Sorry again, they’re always like this, you said about something being wrong.”

“Wow, it’s lively at your house huh” she sounded excessively calm.

“Yeah pretty much. Spawns of satan those two. With none of the parents being home, they are having a field day.

“Oh,” She said nothing else. They spoke nothing for a moment. He didn’t understand if he was supposed to say something.

“Hey Goro” She finally spoke.

“Yah?”

“Can I come over?”

“Co-come over, like right now? I mean will your parents let you?” He started whispering so that non of the sister be any wiser.

“They won’t mind,” she said ever so calmly.

“Ah ok, I guess it’s a problem you can’t talk over the phone right? I understand. I’ll try to make sure the gremlins won’t bother us.” He was surprised himself how reliable he sounded.

“Thanks, I’m coming over.” He was about to put the receiver down but he spoke just before,

“Hey ah, how are you coming? Like should I come over and walk you? It’s pretty late you shouldn’t be walking alone” he was genuinely worried.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be over.” she put down the receiver. She sounded sure so he didn’t want to worry. He knew she was pretty rich so she will probably just take a taxi. Now he’s more pressing concern was why he? He did feel she was in genuine trouble but then why call him, not her mother goose?

He was about to climb up to his room when he saw the older sister. Her head poked out from the side of the stairs. Her hair was ruffled, smiling a mischievous smile, she got out of bed just to mess with him.

“Bringing a girl over just because parents aren’t home? I didn’t give you permission for that”

“I’m not bringing anyone, she wanted to come AND I don’t need your permission for anything.” he retorted.

“Hell yes, you do. Bringing a girl this late at night while all three of your sisters are in the house? Ewww bro.”

“She’s having some trouble! I don’t even know her that well!”

“Sure she has. A problem that can only be solved up in your room all alone right?

“Shut up, I’m not doing this.” He started climbing up the stairs.

“Disgusting brooo” he heard her voice behind him.

What trouble he muttered under his breath.

Inside his room, he sat on his bed and started thinking. What could it be? Why him? The girl, Futaba, was just a girl she knew from school. At least to him, that’s all there is to it. Every other day during basketball practice she and her mother goose come up and see the boys play. Her mother’s goose, he assumes, is her only friend. They are always seen together. She was completely opposite of her, tall and severely lacking feminine charm. Everyone treated her just like any other guy. People always joked that they were a couple. But to him, it looked like a small duckling following her mother goose wherever she goes.

One day the three started talking after practice ended. And that’s how they became friends. Though they exclusively talked only after the basketball practice for some reason. They weren’t in the same class and non of them really saw each other anywhere else. Usually, girls crowded to cheer on the guy they liked. He wondered if any of the two fancied him, and soon one day, from the mother gooses not so subtle teasing he understood it was Futaba who fancied him. He wasn’t looking for a relationship and neither was too keen on Futaba. So he avoided every and all suggestions as best he could. The mother goose is a scary woman but he managed to evade a direct confrontation. At one point, he thought, they would get the hint and stop coming over, but they didn’t. They still meet up every other day, and the mother goose never stopped making suggestions. He knows they aren’t that dense as he declines every advance. He finally realized it was just a thing the three of them were doing now. It was a strange friendship but he didn’t hate it. He liked their banter and he liked to think he was meeting up with his fans every day.

But it was all there was to it. They never met any other time. So he never really considered each other that good of a friend. So why call him during trouble? Why not the mother goose? To him, it’s only natural to call your closest friend. Not to get ahead himself, He doesn’t think its some sort of ploy to get to him, hell at times, he wonders if Futaba actually likes him or not. She never does anything herself to suggest it. It’s always the mother goose. He at times wonders if she was just bullying Futaba, she could be. Futaba doesn’t look like a girl who could talk back, much less to her. He wondered if their whole friendship was just a form of bullying and Futaba never wanted to be there. But it never seemed Futaba didn’t want to be there. And the way they talked never betrayed that they were friends. Besides it was non of his problem. He didn’t want to get into some mess he can avoid, especially with these girls.

So he was right back at why she called him and what the trouble could be. He strangely can’t shake the feeling it’s something big. He laid down on his bed thinking, as the bell rang, and he felt strangely afraid.

He went down, and from the stairways, he can see the door. Usually, it was always him who opened the door but today, all three of his sisters were always there. Looking Futaba up and down. He quickly got down,

“Hey,” he said not sure how to greet her.

“Hey.” She said meekly. She looked just about how she always looked. She had a bob cut, her bangs, and huge glasses hid half her face, she was very short. Today for some reason she seemed even shorter. She wore a coat for some reason, it wasn’t cold rather it was warmer than most nights. He couldn’t be sure but it looked like she was wearing their school uniform, the long skirt of hers was from school. The shoe she was wearing, was her school shoes.

His two younger sisters looked back at him with a dissatisfied face. But they didn’t say anything and walked away. He was relieved that as young and outspoken as they are, they didn’t say anything out too loud.

“Come on, let’s go to my room, it’s upstairs.”

She nodded and with small steps started heading upstairs. He started to follow behind her when the oldest sister patted her hands on his shoulders. She lipped something ‘at least she looks like a sweet girl’ or something along the lines, he ignored her.

Upstairs in his room, he saw Futaba sitting down with her back on the wall, hugging her legs. She almost disappeared with the walls in his not-so-well-lit room. He didn’t say anything and just sat beside her.

“So what’s up” Was the only thing he could muster up.

“It’s my first time in a boys’ room,” she said, her face half behind her knees. He did not like what that conversation could lead to.

“Sorry about the light. I have to get it changed.”

“No, it’s ok, it’s strangely calming.”

It seemed she was comfortable. He was not, he hated that he seemed poor to this rich girl and maybe she was just trying to make him feel better. He just wants to know what this is all about. So he waited for her to say something.

“Goro, have you ever done something you really regretted?” she said still hiding her face. He was a bit taken aback by the sudden serious question, so he did not know how to properly reply.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it,” he said, but she said nothing in reply, so he continued,

“I mean, I’m sure I’ve done a lot of things, that I shouldn’t have but I can’t think of one right now like I don’t think I’m the sort who dwells on regrets so much. Keep pushing forward and stuff you know? It’s our teams’ motto.”

“Yeah, You always did seem like someone strong Goro.”

“Haha, pretty sure I’m just being ignorant. I’m not that smart is all.”

Futabas compliments, he thought, never seemed flirtatious, it always seems to come from a genuine place. So it made him happy.

“Do you think you can regret something but at the same time, have no regret at all, like you are satisfied with how it has ended up, finally it’s done, but this- lingering sense of-” she cut herself off and continued, “It’s contradicting you know?”

He thought about it, but he couldn’t come up with anything. It was out of the blue, but he started to realize she isn’t looking for small talk, she wanted a genuine reply from him otherwise she won’t speak.

“That is complicated, but at the same time, maybe not really. Like maybe you regret the effect that your action is going to have but not the action itself you know? Both aren’t mutually exclusive or something like that.

“Hm, yah it is something like that I think.”

He looked up at the dim light, and something clicked to him. She definitely fought with the mother goose, it makes perfect sense. She’s her only friend so she had no other place to go. She’s sorely regretting it, but to her, it was the only thing she could do. Maybe the bullying he thought of before isn’t too far off the mark. It was a bit of both, girls are complicated, that he knew. He was really satisfied with himself for cracking this code. All he had to do was comfort her.

“Where are your parents Goro?” She asked suddenly.

“Oh, they both work together so, when one is out another one is too. They have a work trip almost every month so yah.”

“Seems nice, even with your parents gone your house is lively.”

“Hey, I’ll give them to you if you want them so badly.”

“My house is always empty so, I’m actually jealous.”

“The novelty will wear off fast, believe me.”

“I wonder, it’s just that it’s only me and Father in our house. He comes in late or doesn’t come at all, so yeah it does get lonely.”

“Oh, I didn’t know your mother passed away. I’m sorry”

“She didn’t or I don’t really know. She left when I was in grade school. Best decision she could’ve done.”

Goro didn’t know which was worse so he couldn’t quite think of a reply.

“I wish she had taken me you know, but I guess she didn’t want anything related to that man” she sneered.

“Is your father-” Goro couldn’t finish what he was saying.

“What? My father what?”

“He doesn’t hurt you does he?” he didn’t know if there was any better way to phrase it.

“Does he abuse me? No, he doesn’t, he has never once beaten or scolded me in fact. To tell the truth, I don’t think I’m even on his radar.”

So it’s neglect, he thought. Goro’s family while having its own problems, was a loving one. Even he understood that. For parents to not love their own child to him, it just didn’t make sense. He knew of course that stuff like this happen, but now seeing it so up close near him, it seemed bizarre, and it scared him. And he felt a wave of warmth towards Futaba, who now seemed so vulnerable to him.

“I’m sorry it’s like this, I don’t know what to say.”

“But you know in the end just thinking of him talking to me makes my skin crawl” She almost seem to shiver while saying that.

Goro started to have doubts it was about her friend anymore or if was this a family issue. He still thinks though, that because of the fight everything around her was falling apart. He knew how that felt, he took basketball seriously, so every loss ate away at him, when he saw his teammates giving up halfway through it made him so angry he could only show by fouling the opponent, there was nothing he could do or say that won’t make him look a fool who was taking a past time too seriously.

“Is this about your dad? Did he do something to you today?”

“Am I a runaway girl because I had a fight with Daddy? No, I wouldn’t say that” she said with a pause. “Though I guess it couldn’t be too far from the truth either.”

So it was a fight with her dad then. He sighed internally, what could a person say to make someone feel better now? He felt a weird sense of defeat.

“You know I guess I’m flattered that you found me someone worth telling this stuff to. I don’t know if I’m helping much but I think just letting it out is better than bottling it up.”

Futaba first time that night lifted her head up her knees, she put her chin on her knees, and looked at him. He found himself blushing for some reason.

“You don’t remember do you?” She said sounding a bit sad.

“What? I’m sorry if I did”

“You said you’d be there if I ever needed a strong handsome boy to protect me.”

“I- What?”

He started to remember then. One day mother goose as per usual said something along the lines of Futaba is such a short cute girl, she needs someone strong to protect her or something like that. That time Goro doubled down and did say something cheesy like that so that any sort of serious conversation couldn’t proceed. He can’t believe Futaba took him seriously.

“I know it’s stupid but, it makes a girl’s heart flutter you know.”

He wanted to laugh but he couldn’t be sure if that would be appropriate. He did his utmost best not to but he could not but wheeze a bit. Surely she was just making fun of him but Futaba didn’t seem like she could.

“You’re such a sweet girl Futaba. I don’t think you should feel guilty. Maybe you had a fight and today you just couldn’t bear with it anymore. Your not a bad girl just for a fight or running away like this, a disobedient one sure but not a bad girl. Your not a bad girl Futaba don’t be so hard on yourself.” Goro said what came to his mind first, all the while trying his best not to laugh and pet Futaba who seemed so adorable to him now.

Futaba’s face darkened though and she looked forward, then up at the light with an annoyed face.

“I’m not a good girl like you think I am Goro”

“I sincerely think otherwise.”

She paused a bit then, maybe gathered her thoughts then started saying,

“A couple, no maybe just a year ago there was someone else in the house. My grandfather used to live with us. I say live but not really he was bedridden and was waiting for the end of days. My father decided to keep him in the house, a nurse would come by every two weeks or so to check his vitals, restocked the medicines, and leave. It was me who had to, day by day take care of that rotting corpse. Every day I had to clean up his feces, bathe him, and make sure all the medication was going through his nostrils properly. Even though it’s not like father couldn’t afford to put him in a hospital with all the facilities he could need. He just decided otherwise. He never checked up on him himself. But he decided to put him in the house right next to my room, just for me to take care of him.” she breathed in suddenly as if she was about to cry, “So last year or so when he finally kicked the bucket, the only thing I could think of was, good riddance. A granddaughter relieved that her grandfather died, how is that right? But every time I walk past that room, I could remember the rotting smell of flesh and it makes me want to vomit. And every time I manage not to and walk past, I feel….so… glad.”

Goro was at lose again. It was one thing after another, he thought. Such a meek-looking girl, even she could hide so much pain. He sympathized, and he again felt the warmth he had felt before for her. He did thought, if he had to he will protect her. Even from her own feelings, however, that will be possible.

“No, it is not right, to feel glad for the passing away of a family member. But I don’t see how else you would feel. It must have been horrible, I don’t even know what I would’ve done in your place. The fact that you still took care of him till his death means you aren’t a bad person. Please don’t feel bad for yourself over this. It was unfair to you.”

“You know, Tama is a good girl” the name of her mother goose. She continued, “Do you know she likes you too? But when she realized I liked you, she stopped, she hid her own feelings and started to share mine with you. She wanted me to be happy. She tried her best to make us a thing because I was afraid to ever even approach you. I know you don’t like me Goro but I’m sure if you’d’ve liked Tama, but she never confessed or tried to make you like her just because of me. I know it, but I never even thanked her for it.”

This was as direct as she ever was, Goro knew he couldn’t weasel out of this one. He couldn’t ignore her feelings anymore, but he didn’t know what to do. She continued,

“You know even after you showed no interest in liking me, she never tried to confess to you, because she would feel like it was betraying me and she would never betray me. She’s.. such a good person, and I never even thanked her.”

She was saying it with such calm but he felt the girl was going to cry. And he felt so much pity and to some extent guilt for himself. He somehow wanted to convey, it doesn’t matter you’re ok. Everything will have to be ok.

He couldn’t explain why but he wrapped his arms around her awkwardly and started saying,

“You’re just.. complicated. We all are. We can’t be perfect. We all make mistakes we all have a side we would rather not people see. But that isn’t the real us. That can’t be all there is to us. We are much more, you are much more. I’m sure you are kind Futaba. I hate my whole team, I don’t like anyone there but I still go every day acting like I’m their friend, just because I love basketball. It’s not right, right? But I still do. The fact that you beat yourself over this means you think about right and wrong, good and bad much more than us. You are trying your best to be good, unlike the rest of us. You are so much better than us, please, please understand.”

He started to feel warm and wondered if this was appropriate, but he didn’t want to let her go, he just couldn’t let her go.

“Would you forgive me? Even if I do something so bad no one else could, would you forgive me Goro?” he could hear her muffled voice say.

“You could never do something so bad, you are good, I’m sure everyone would understand. You don’t need someone to forgive you, but if you need someone I’ll always be there, I promise,” he said as he let her go.

He didn’t mean it as a response to her confession, but he didn’t care how he sounded, for now, he wanted to make her feel as happy as possible. Nothing else mattered for now.

“Thank you Goro, I knew you were kind.” her voice genuine.

Goro never did look at him like that, but he did feel proud, of how he handled everything and he felt he did the right thing. He felt accomplished. There was silence after that for a while, but at least he didn’t mind it. He slid down the wall and lay on the floor.

“You know I wonder what was the point of anything of me, it’s nothing but, misery and hate. I wish I was a cheerful girl”

“I don’t if there is a meaning to any of our lives but you know what they say, It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.” as he said it he realized how rude he just sounded, he jumped back up apologizing. But he was pleasantly surprised to see that she was looking like she was holding back a laugh, and then, she burst out laughing.

“OH MY GOD THAT’S SO RUDE! BWAHAHAHA” She laughed holding her stomach. “Oh my god, I didn’t think I’d be able to laugh today, ever,” she said as she continued to laugh. Her laughter was contagious and soon he found himself laughing as well,

“Well you can’t beat Jorge Cloonie for a laugh”

“Who’s Jorge Cloonie?”

“The comedian, American, on LNS. How do you not know him? What do you watch on T.V?”

“Not Jorge Cloonie.”

“Fair enough”

The atmosphere got much lighter with the topic of the American comedian. And the oppressive air that almost suffocated Goro seemed to dissipate. They followed through with random banter and finally he felt it was just like two friends talking.

“Hey, can I use your washroom?” there was a bathroom in Goro’s room.

“Yah sure.”

As Goro waited thought about the conversation they just had but his thoughts were rudely interrupted by the land line. And while disappointed but not surprised, with even having a girl in the room, his sisters refused to answer a call. He went down the stairs and answered the call”

“Hello, is this Goro?” It was the mother goose. She sounded on edge.

“Oh hey-”

“GORO FUTABA IS MISSING!” she was practically screaming her voice wavering.

“Oh is that righ-”

“She’s in danger! She isn’t in her house,, Her father has been murdered. The cops can’t find her. She-”

“Wait what?”

“I don’t know what to do. oh god what could happen to her”

“Wait Tama, what are you, how do you-” he felt dizzy.

“My brother comes from work from that route. He just called me, Goro do you know anything? I can’t even-”

There was another ring coming, Goro almost jumped back with fear, but he regained a bit of composer, “Wait, Tama I’m getting another call I-” his voice was shaky. He answered the coming call,

“Hello, is this Goro speaking” it was a voice of a stern middle-aged man.

“Ye-Yes.”

“I’m Officer Majima, I’d like for you to answer some questions.”

Goro couldn’t say anything.

“The last dialed number on this phone was yours. Who did you speak to?”

Goro tried to say something but it got stuck in his throat.

“Who did you speak to?”

“Fu-Futaba, she’s a friend of mine, in school. What’s this about?” he managed to say something.

“What did she talk to you about?”

“What did she-” He found himself again unable to speak.

“This is important Goro, don’t be afraid what did she tell you.”

“She-She said she was in trouble, and that- and that’s it, I couldn’t understand what she-”

“That’s all? That she was in trouble?”

“COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!” he didn’t realize that he almost screamed, his voice crackled like he was about to break down crying.

There was a pause from the other side, he heard some intangible whispers, then the man started speaking again.

“Listen this evening someone killed your friend’s father. He was bludgeoned to death with a golf club in his own house and your friend is missing. She could be in terrible danger right now. Nothing was stolen so we don’t even have a motive right now. If she said anything that can give us a clue tell us. If we aren’t quick about this we might have to fear the worst”

Goro felt like he could puke. His throat was dry and he felt he could choke on air. He looked up his stairs, and then back on the landline, hoping nothing was real.

“Goro speak up.” the man’s voice grew impatient.

“Trouble, she mentioned some trouble,” he spoke as best as he could.

“That’s all?”

Goro didn’t say anything.

“Ok. We will have some officers at your house for further questioning and listen carefully, we know for a fact your call with her lasted for a few minutes and we will have the whole conversation in time. I know you must be in shock but you better snap out of it fast. If you remember anything important call the police station. She could be in danger, or hell she could be the danger in some morbid twist of fate, so get your act straight.”

He heard some distant voices and then the line cut off.

Goro stood there, staring at the landline like a scarecrow, unable to move, his whole body frozen stiff. The sound of the receiver seemed to grow louder and his ear started ringing so he put the receiver down. He looked up at the stairs, then back down to the side, he wanted to run to his sisters, but he looked up again and ran up the stairs. He realized he was sweating cold sweat. He opened the door to his room and saw Futaba sitting on the bed staring at him. He closed the door behind him without removing her from his sight.

He wondered what he would say, if he should confront her, or act like he did not just hear what he had just heard, it probably wasn’t real to begin with but before he could say anything,

“I heard the phone ring. Do you know?” she spoke first.

“Know what?” he said without thinking.

“Tch, I thought I’d have this one last normal night before everything is lost.”

“Futaba what are you-”

“I hoped it was a nightmare you know,” she said and stood up from the bed. Goro almost felt his soul had left his body from fear.

“Futaba now you- you couldn’t have-”

“Killed that man? Cause I’m such a sweet girl? I told you I’m not. I’m not a good girl” She slowly walked towards him.

“There must be- you must have-” he wanted to say, there must be an explanation, it must have been out of self defense, or something, some reasoning but he couldn’t say anything. He was too afraid, as she slowly walked towards him.

“Every other evening when I’m bored, I pick out some food and then set them up in the drawing room. I pick out a VHS from the large shelf of them right next to the T.V. The VHS’s are recordings of my father having sex with different women, all labeled with their names on it. I watch him fucking different women while I sip on cranberry juice. Sometimes the girls are so pretty that even I’m aroused. I’ve seen him more in those tapes then in real life.”

Goro was flabbergasted, he coudn’t even think anymore. He just listened with fear creeping up on him like a bug. His back was glued to the door.

“Today after dinner, he called me down, he started, speaking to me. He asked me how was school, if I was having trouble and he touched my hand. It made my skin crawl, I pushed him away, he got angry, and, my hand reached for the golf club and I- I bashed it on his head, and I saw him fall, groaning with pain, and- and it made me feel so GLAD. So glad that I didn’t stop until he wasn’t groaning anymore, he wasn’t even moving.”

She was now right in front of him, Goro felt like he could faint, but he couldn’t. What should he do? What could happen? He felt fear for himself, feared for his family, he heard what she was saying but he could barely even understand.

“Hey Goro, you said you’d forgive me, no matter what,” she said, her voice tearful. No that’s not fair, he thought.

“Do you forgive me Goro?” she said, pressing her head down on his chest. He shuddered.

His eyes went teary, he gulped down his dry throat. He wrapped his arms around her but he couldn’t say anything. He felt Futabas hands on his back. Pressing down on him, harder and harder it hurt him. He felt his chest getting wet, it was tears, tears which’s meaning he could not discern.