A letter came by

A letter came by today, a colored envelope tied frilly with a ribbon. Inside was an invitation card for a marriage, a marriage of a friend who I knew a long time ago.
I still remember her of course. All the memories came rushing in suddenly. Fragments at first then fully formed, they were different then other memories, different then flubbed interviews, late-night smokes and hours spent trying to sleep in a car. They have some ethereal qualities to them.
I was a wee lad, she was too. I don't remember how we met but we lived close by. I don't remember when I realized that I liked her differently then others I didn't know that it was possible. I just remember parks and swings, falling and tripping, climbing trees and playing cards, late-night escapes, and doing things we weren't meant to do. In one of the years, I realized it wasn't going to be what I wanted to be, and I was fine with it, maybe I was naive maybe I took her for granted.
I do remember vividly the last day I spent with her though, I was at her home, I don't know why probably homework or something. She was tensed for some reason, so I was joking around until I got her to laugh up a good bit, then she loosened up a bit. Then we played whatever board game she had at that moment until we got bored, so we talked, mundane stupid things people our age talked about. Favorite movies, food, games, why red raptor was so much better than blue raptor, what was the weird floaty thing we see when we look up at the clear blue sky. We lazed around like cats, whiling away the warm sleepy hours of the afternoon, each moment felt lazier than the last. We were at ease, as time trickled down like honey, slow and sweet.

The next day she was gone. I had no idea why or where, why she didn't told me. Maybe she thought I knew, maybe she thought it wasn't important. Next couple of days my heart peeled like someone was scratching it trying to force its way in for some juice. Soon enough it didn't hurt like that anymore.

Seeing the letter now, I feel that little scratch again, it was strangely nostalgic. But I felt a new sharp pang too, I wondered, she experienced a whole life without me. I don't know if I should be glad or out of sorts.